The adventures of Tender McSweeny

Tender McSweeny, The Mystery Monster Maker. no wait, scratch that.

That man couldn't make a monster out of dust and clay if his life depended on it!

Could he, for example, reach around and thru his head, grasping the rascel that would be known as Sir Penial Rapture Abadash esq. whom had been holding residence in said crainium well past the stated termination of lease. 

He absoulutly could have, if it wasen't for his sordid affair of Mrs. Sir Penial Rapture Abadash esq. His lust captured his reason and efficiantly murdered it with a wooden spoon and rubber drain stopper acquired from who knows where.

Due to this and other equaly tepid factors, McSweeny had never learned the whirling dirvish technique of reaching around and thru ones cranial contanium. Leading directly, of indirectly, depending on the way in which one mapped the progression; for metaphysicly, left and right are not applicable in past implicatory effects and causes, to his ineveitable down fall to victory. 

Lacking that basic ability as well as his key metholodical progressions, very important in the basic make up of all funtional people, McSweeny had no choice but to allow the illegal and costly residence of Sir Penial Rapture Abadash esq. in his brain.

However, all was not lost. for thru Tender McSweenys adulterous affar with the estranged Mrs. Sir Penial Rapture Abadash esq. he had obtained a certain map of a certain downtown decrepid Grocery store subcellar, wherein, if the rusted parchment were to be believed, was a box which contained the answers to all his problems.

He was also forwarned that there would be a box of identical proportions directly beside the box of saviours which contained certain death.

So, after short contemplation and with a quick deliberation, Tender McSweeny decided not to go.